I've probably shared this before, but I feel the need to share it again.  I heard it on the radio today after yet another challenging morning with the kids at the dentist.  Things were great up until we had to leave to go to school.  Everyone left in tears.  I asked for forgiveness from Bean and she willingly gave it saying, "It's okay Mama."  After I dropped her off, I cried outloud to my God for help, comfort, and forgiveness.

Then this song came on.

"All this pain..."
            YES, I have so much pain right now.  It makes me sick
            to my stomach.
"I wonder if I'll ever find my way."
             I feel so lost.  I feel like I'm losing all control.  This is the 
            3rd public outburst by the kids in a week and a half. 
            What am I doing wrong?  What am I not doing?           
"I wonder if my life could really change, at all."
             Right now, this very moment, I don't know.  I want it to. 
             I'm think I'm doing the right things for my kids, but it
             feels like no matter what I do, I lose.
"All this earth...Could all that is lost ever be found?"
             Find me, Lord.  I'm in the dark and I'm scared.
"Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?"
             Can you change me? (Notice I didn't ask for him to
             change the kids...)

"You make beautiful things,"
             You, Lord, are the Creator of all.  YOU make beautiful 
            things.  You can take what I have, this ugliness inside,
             and turn it into something great!
"You make beautiful things out of dust."
             You planned to have me read the story of creation today
             and watched as I read it with awe for the first time. 
             Today in the quiet, I watched your beauty unfold as you
             spoke your words.  To take each word a little bite at a 
             time, I was filled with wonder and excitement to know
             that my God's words are powerful.
"You make beautiful things,"
             Yes, you can AND you do.
"You make beautiful things out of us."
             Thank you for moulding me.  I'm becoming more  
            malleable everday.  It's taking a lot longer, but that's
            because I'm super stubborn.  Thank you for wanting to
            change my heart, my attitude, my mind. 

I am currently in a spiritual battle.  The enemy has found my ever-growing chinks in my armor when it comes to family, especially my kids.  I have been in a job the last 7 years that has made me not so available to my family.  They were "getting used to it," but they were acting out because they were trying to get my attention when I was home.  Now that I'm at a job where I'm home more, they seem to be testing me out to see how I would do under pressure.  I've failed them and my God.  I need him everyday. 

Through my failures and my ugliness, my God, our God, can make beautiful things out of me.  He is the one in control.

 


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