Look at that, we're three days in. That's HUGE for me. Thank you for your continued prayers. I'm so excited to see where we go from here.
This chapter brought forth some things that I've been going to counseling for; performing for others, looking for validation, and being disappointed everytime. I've danced the dance of being a certain weight. I've danced the dance of being a certain parent. I've danced the dance of being a certain me. I've danced so many dances, my shoes have holes in their soles...like my soul. God doesn't want me to be a dancing monkey.
Question 1: In what ways do you feel like--or not at all like--Barbie?
I don't know about you, but I've never compared myself to Barbie. I only had 1 Barbie growing up and when I got her, I didn't know what the big deal was with her. I'm not blonde, thin, or bendy and I don't think Barbie was ever an insurance adjuster or agent. I didn't desire to have all of the Barbie ideals, but what I did and still sort of desire is the fact that I want to have it all; mom, wife, career.
Jen says, "Rather than chase impossible standards dictated by this unforgiving world, let's rise up, Girls, and declare that we won't be dancing monkeys anymore." (p. 26) I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a dancing monkey.
Question 2: Who do you work so hard for? What are you hoping to receive from them?
Growing up and even until 4 months ago, I worked hard for my parents, hoping to get love. Well, that didn't pan out. My grandma says she loves me, yet she can't forgive me for things of the past. That makes me sad. Now I work hard for my family. I don't expect to receive anything from them. But in the background, I work hard to prove myself to others. Sad.
Our focus today is on 1 Kings 18:16-41, the story of Elijah and Ahab and the decision that decisions the Israelites had to make; to follow or "dance" for God or for Baal.
Question 3: Why do you think the Hebrews had a hard time choosing between God and Baal?
I think, that like me, they wanted it all. They wanted to please everyone. It gets so tiring to do that. I know I dance a certain dance for certain people because that's what they expect of me. And Jen's right; it does get tiring.
Question 4: What parallels do you see between the futility of this dance and the one you and I get trapped in? (ver. 22-29)
The followers of Baal, were at one time followers of God. He led them out of oppression, but here they are dancing for a god that doesn't exist. They were dancing for validation that they will never receive. They wanted validation so badly they gave their blood, sweat, and tears. Ladies, this is sometimes how I feel. I give of myself to get validation when my God is saying, "Let ME show you your worth."
Question 5: What is God showing you about our dance? (ver. 30-39)
That no matter how drenched or under water I feel by this need to dance for everyone, God's holy fire can consume me and free me. "Discover that your value exists because God takes pleaser in you and let it rain."
Father, show me all the places I'm waiting for applause. I know I have a lot from mothering, being a good wife, to my friends and family. I need your strength to help me change my audience. I don't want to dance anymore. It's tiring. Help me to focus on you. Thank you for not shaming me. Thank you for loving me, despite it all. Amen.