I've been trying to figure out what kind of relationship I truly want with my grandparents. Last Wednesday I started writing a letter to them because I knew they were upset with me. Well, I didn't really know it. That has just been their M.O. for as long as I can remember: Get angry, give me the silent treatment, Kate calls and asks how they're doing and life goes on. Or so I thought. So any way, I was sitting in my car listening to the radio waiting for Jada to finish up Cubbies for Awanas, when while I'm writing, this song came on. Now if you're like me, you just sing to the song or listen, but not really know what you're saying or listening to. At this particular moment, I dropped my pen to just listen. God wanted to talk with me and I cranked up the music.
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they
know it's wrong
Don't they know it's wrong
Well maybe there's something I
missed
But how could they treat me like this
It's wearing out my
heart
The way they disregard
This is love or this is hate.
We all
have a choice to make
Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't
know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive
them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Well it's only the dead that can
live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy
times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind
eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've
done.
This is love or this is hate.
We gotta a choice to
make
Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've
been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel
like the one losin'
Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard
heart
We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought
Cause
pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but
it's just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them
to stop
Well truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Cause
freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down
[X2]
Oh Father won't you forgive
them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to
forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been
losing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the
one losin'
I didn't think forgiveness would come to me as eagerly as it has today. And I'm talking about TRUE forgiveness. The kind where you know it because it speaks to your very core. Sure, I'm still mad as hell, but God has softened my heart for me. My heart is malleable in His hands. He has surrounded me with people who are letting me vent, but are also leading me down the path of forgiveness. I can speak freely. I am free to be me, which is a concept that I struggle with, but I don't have to worry about the outcome. Since forgiveness doesn't roll off my tongue as easily as I would like it to,I'm glad I have my support team.
Community. . .It helps the forgiveness medicine go down.