This is what I have to keep telling myself after what has happened. This is so surreal. I don't know if I can fully process everything that is floating around in my head. My head and my heart are throbbing. Throbbing with such pain. Pain that I didn't know really existed in my soul. I knew it could happen, but what person, what child could expect the unexpected?
The two people I grew up with have said that their love is conditional. That their love comes with expectations. Ouch! I feel like I have been punched in the stomach and every bit of breath in me is gone. Who took my breath away? My grandparents. My Mom and Dad who have raised me from birth since my biological parents are no longer in the picture. My Mother passed away when she was 26 years old and I never met my Father. By taking on their roles, they were supposed to take on every part of the role, which I thought included unconditional love. Or so I thought.
I have so much anger and pain in my heart right now, yet I feel so numb. Though in my numbness, I am seeking out the Bread of Life.
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
I hope that in these next 31 days I will be on my way to healing my emotional self, walking side by side with my Forever Dad in heaven.
Hey look at that...I'm still breathing!