An Honest Mess

"Relationship.  Life without it is meaningless....This is how God wants to do life with us."
I struggle with relationships.  I've struggled with them for as long as I can remember.  With my struggles comes lack of real, intimate relationships.  I'm so lucky that I have a strong, intimate relationship with my husband.  I can be open, honest, and real with him.  I may have difficulty expressing myself, but he understands me.  So if I struggle with my earthly relationships...I don't even want to go there. 

But where I do want to go is that I know I can better my relationship with God.  I've been digging deeper in His word, more than I've ever before and He has been showing me some amazing things in my life, along with the no so good parts.  And the great thing, yes, I said, "great," is that He's helping me to be honest with myself.

In my counseling sessions I've been learning to be honest and open with people.  Not that I've been lying to them, but I'm only showing a portion of who I am.  I've been so paralyzed with fear of what people will think of me that I only give them bits and pieces I think they can handle. 
"Believer, God does not want your good behavior but your honesty.  He is real, not some plastic, heartless taskmaster ambivalent to your anguish.  He'd take your messiest, ugliest prayer over your silence."
That makes me smile because it has taken me a long time to learn that God does care.  God wants a real, authentic relationship with ME.  All of me.  The REAL ME.  And you know what ladies, the real me sometimes just gets pissed off and ugly.  I want to yell, scream, and you name it.  God doesn't care.  He knows it's me and He's in love with me. 
 "On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in
your name and performed many miracles in your name.’  
But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’"  Matthew 7:22-23
Read that verse several times, then think and I mean really think about your relationship with God.  That is TERRIFYING.  I don't want to speak Christian-ese or "walk like a Christian."  I want to live in a relationship with God.  I want Him to know me.  I don't want to not be known by my Creator.  Ladies, take the time to meet with Him.  I know it's a struggle to find the time, but I would suggest like any thing, start in little increments and gradually work your way up to your goal.  I'm not perfect in this arena.  I'm working on it because I want a relationship.  I want intimacy with my God. 

God, thank you, thank you for your desire to KNOW me.  I pray to continue to feed this hunger I have for You.  I want to make You a priority in my life so that Your grace and mercy and not for nothing.  Help me to use my time wisely with You and to focus intently on us.  I love You!  Amen!

Thanks for spending tonight with me Ladies.  I'm sorry it's such a late post.  We've had a rough start to the week and my husband just got called back to work with only 4 hours between.  Please pray for him and his rest when he comes home tomorrow.

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