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Now here comes the ugliness. 

At times I can have a short temper and a quick tongue when I am angry.  It's something that I have not intentionally attempted to work on until recently. 

During a conversation with one of my accountability partners, she made mention to me something that I "knew," but didn't really know how to handle.  She said, "You need to sit in front of the toilet and purge yourself of all the unrighteous anger you have and flush it away and ask God to help you work through it."  Ugh...

The last couple of months have been a season that I have been dreading to go through.  I have been "content," so to speak, with the anger I have been harboring.  I haven't forgiven some people for hurting me and all of this is making me an ugly person inside.  I have been sulking in my anger and my hurt for far too long.  I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize, "It's not them.  It's me."  I can't change how they are, but I can change myself.  I can choose to RESPOND, rather than REACT.

Last night I was forced gently to my knees for a situation that is about to unfold later today.  I was forced to acknowledge a lot of issues that I have been fighting to work through.  I was forced to surrender, truly surrender, everything to my God.  I started off with a river full of tears and finally ended in a contented sigh.  God's peace just filled me.  I called and texted a couple of girlfriends and requested prayer and I totally felt the prayers coming through. 

This healing process may not resolve today after the conversation takes place, but I will continue to seek God out for healing.  I need to establish boundaries during this conversation.  But before I can begin to establish these said boundaries, I need to work on me, but I only have a few short hours.  In these next 4 1/2 hours, I need to identify the symptom, identify the conflict and identify the need that drives the conflict.  I also need to take in and receive the good, practice these newfound boundary skills and learn to say, "No," to the bad.  Yet, all of that comes with a little something extra.  I NEED to forgive the aggressor(s). I NEED to RESPOND, not REACT.  I NEED to learn to LOVE in freedom and responsibility, NOT in GUILT.  This is such a L-O-N-G list of things that I have to learn and enforce in ONE DAY!  I'm glad that I can no longer runaway from the issue.  I need to purge everything...STAT!

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers  flare.
Lord, I pray that your words will flow from me today.  That your heart and gentleness speak louder than my own voice.  Amen.
 


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Thanks for the info! :) good post!

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