So as we begin this week discussing Hannah. You can follow along in 1 Samuel.
Question 1: To you, is God a taskmaker or a father? Something else? How would you characterize your relationship.
I think of God more as a father than a taskmaker. He listens to me and watches over me, but most of He loves me for me. Our relationship used to be more of Him seeking me, but of recent, it's more of me seeking Him. And it's a lot better that way.
Question 2: Hannah was infertile. Do you have a heartache that overrides other areas of happiness? Abuse? A broken marriae? A child in trouble? Shame? Poor body image? What is it, or what was it in the past?
This is a very personal question. Most you know I struggle with body image. I'm 5' 8" and wear a size 6. A lot of people would be happy with that, but I struggle with it at times. This a whole other discussion for another time.
Question 3: Have you ever felt as if God and everyone was saying you should be happy when your heart was breaking? What was it like for you?
Yes, I have. Have you? I mean, I am so blessed, yet I feel that my brokenness shouldn't be. Does that make sense? So when I feel at my worst, I tend to take on a lot more than I should, which then brings me into this downward spiral of complete and utter failure.
Question 4: Are you real with your sorrow? Why or why not?
No, I'm not. I'm learning how to be open to my sorrow and my pain. I've never been truly able to express it. I've been so intimidated by what others will think of my sorrow and my pain that I only share snippets. I'm not "real" with them. I'm learning to be. But I'll tell you, it scares me.
Lord, help me to be real. Help me to show others who I am. Help me to be seen. I have hidden myself and through that, I suffer alone. Help me to unravel the hurt and the pain and let it go. Amen.