Today I'm joining up for the last FMF for the year.  I've been on and off with my writing.  As you can see, it's not a priority in my life at the moment.  I would love to sit down and just write, but I have learned that I do not use my time as wisely as I should.  Well, that's at least some of it.  I, quite frankly, have taken on way too many things.  I try to do everything and fail and then I realize I. Can't. Do. It. All.  No matter how hard I try, I can't do everything.  And that's a good thing because it makes me rely more on my Creator than on myself.

Thank you for the food we eat.  Thank you for the world so sweet.  Thank you for the birds that sing.  Thank you God for everything.  Thank you for my family.  Thank you God for loving me.  For each and every child we pray.  Thank you for this special day.   --- Josephine Page
That thank you prayer is one that my kids and I know by heart.  It's one of their favorite stories to read at night.  I'm so thankful for this past year; including its ups and downs.  I have been blessed way more than I deserve to be blessed.  Sometimes I sit there and wonder, "Why me?  I don't deserve this."  And the simple answer is:
I thank Him for loving me, despite who I am.  I thank Him for not running away from me, but running AFTER me.  I thank Him for blessing me with my wonderful husband.  I thank Him for entrusting me with two little ones and giving me a of grace when it comes to raising them.  I thank Him for helping me through the hurt in my life by encouraging me in His ways and in His truth. 

Thank you Father for everything; the big, the little, and even the inbetween.  I have to, I need to, I do give it all to you.  Thank you for your truth that speaks boldly and loudly to my heart.  Thank you for NEVER giving up on me.  Thank you for those that you have put in my life to encourage me and give me sound advice.  Thank you for those that listen.  Thank you for friendship and sisters.  Thank you for your love.  You are awesome.

Now don't forget to link back to Lisa Jo's page.
Five Minute Friday
I'm linkng up with Lisa-Jo Baker at Gypsy Mama for 5 minute Friday.  Don't forget to do yours and link up 
back to her site.
  5 "simple" minutes of your day to just write about a one word topic.  I say "simple" because sometimes those 5 minutes seemto drag and I'm like, "Uh...what just happend?"  So just let it flow.  Let it be free.  If you only get a few words out, it's okay.  Just write. : )


"In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there.
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,
Only for You,'cause I want to know You more;" - Chris Tomlin
Quiet.  I have a difficult time with this word because my thoughts go to God.  "Now wait a minute," you say.  "That's a great thing!"  Well for me it reminds me that I haven't had my quiet time with God in quite some time.  I mean I pray and blog a few verses here and there, but I haven't had that true, quiet time with my God.  I haven't had true relationship with him for a little over a month. 

I have let the enemy come between me and my special time with my Dad.  I let him win when I sunk into myself when my parents walked away. He infiltrated my time and left me empty.  This is the quiet I do not want to be a part of.

God is always there, by my side, waiting for me.  He gently prods me and shows me through others what HE can do when I'm quiet.  I desire that quiet time, but I need to put it back into action.  I can't expect it to just happen.

Will you help me be accountable for my quiet time?
I'm linking up with Lisa at Stop and Smell the Chocolates.  Every Saturday Lisa shares some of her blessings from the week.  I love this link up because it reminds me that amidst all the craziness and "things that don't seem to go right," God is ever-so-present, blessing me. Every. Single. Day. 

It's super easy to join this link up.  You can follow the template below or you can write your own blessings.  Then don't forget to "link up" with Lisa so she and her readers can also Savor in your blessings and you in theirs.  The link up is at the bottom of her entry.  Simple as that!


During my counseling session this week, I was encouraged to write a letter to my parents, in love, about forgiveness.  I didn't know how to do it because writing to my parents doesn't come naturally.  And my attitude usually isn't the best.  Can I just hide now?  Ugh.  However difficult it was, it was so FREEING to be able to convey the things that they, as Christians need to know.  My heart breaks for their hurt and the evil that is residing within them (the grudges, the unforgiveness, the bitterness, etc.). 

My verse this week is:
"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."  Matthew 6: 14-15
That's the part that gets me and is helping me to put everything into perspective.  "..if you refuse to forgive others, your Father WILL NOT forgive your sins."  Wow...that is HUGE!  So I just lift up my parents and my my family today.  I pray that God will intervene in a big way. 


I don't remember ordering this book from the library, but it came in yesterday and it was such a blessing.  It's called, I Love You to God and Back -- A Mother and Child Can Find Faith and Love Through Bedtime Prayers by Amanda Lamb.  I'm going to include the Prologue because this book is blowing my mind!  God sent it tome at just the right time.  I've been scheduling so many things to keep myself busy to avoid my real issues and my stresses have been taken out on my little Bean.  After I do that, I find myself just holding her and apologizing for my craziness.  The best thing is that she forgives me and tells me she loves me back.  I end up squeezing her harder and she has to tell me to loosen up a bit.  I love that little girl so much. 

You can find the Prologue here.


Oy!  We had/have a full schedule this week!  I'm combining the 3 because this week it just seems appropriate.  Bean turned 4 this week and we're still celebrating.  She has been such a blessing to me.  She shows me that I'm so not perfect, but regardless of that fact, she still loves me.  I'm blessed to be her Mama. 

Then there was Halloween.  I decided this year I would make the kids' costumes.  I sewed till the morning and got it all done.  Yes, I was a big-time procrastinator.  But nevertheless, it got done!  They had a great time, came home with lots of candy, and didn't want to sleep.  That about sums up that night.

The next day we went to small group and hung out with some church friends we really haven't connected with in quite a long time.  It was nice to do that.  Our other small group had to dissolve because everyone except us moved out of the area.  It was definitely a blessing to connect again.

Yesterday we participated in a fundraiser for St. Paul's church and school by taking antiquity photos.  Now you can call me crazy.  We attempted photos at 6:45 PM, which didn't happen till about 7:15PM, but we ended up getting some great photos and I can't wait to see all the proofs.  Plus, we were able to support a wonderful local church.

And today, we're wrapping up Jada's birthday festivities.  She had 2 parties the day of her birthday and a big party with friends and family at our local pizzeria. 

I'm so blessed.


Well as I'm trying to get this cranked out I'm enjoying a nice, warm cup of coffee.  I don't even want to get into the sweet this week because I've had more than I need.

But the cool thing about the sweets is that a friend who is a consultant with Lindt RSVP signed me up for $1. That's it!  $1 for chocolate!!!  I couldn't say no.  You can now purchase your Lindt chocolate bars, truffles, and gifts through me on my website.  And if you're close to me, you can host chocolate tasting party!  Please check it out and pass it around.

Thanks for sharing in my blessings this week!


"Mommy.  Daddy.  I'm ready."  [Sigh]

It's not even 6 AM and he's up.  I don't go immediately to him because it's too early.  Buddy has had a long week with all the festivities (Bean's birthday, Halloween, small group, and now photos after school).  How can he be up and ready before 6 AM?  My body definitely isn't ready.

Bean knocks on her door as she is ready to get up.  Again, it's barely 6 AM.  I've been looking forward to some quiet time to read and write, but I fear that it won't happen, yet I open the door and she comes out.  She comes out, follows me to the kitchen table, nudges me, and then crawls up into my lap for some morning time snuggles.  [Smile]

She is part of me.  He is part of me.  They are the roots and fruit of our little family.  They are the roots that we have been entrusted with to nurture and develop, but most of all love.  I want to firmly establish those roots in them to pass on...

Please join with me and the rest of the #FMF gang: 

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts bout it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

I'm linking up with Lisa at Stop and Smell the Chocolates.  Every Saturday Lisa shares some of her blessings from the week.  I love this link up because it reminds me that amidst all the craziness and "things that don't seem to go right," God is ever-so-present, blessing me. Every. Single. Day.

It's super easy to join this link up.  You can follow the template below or you can write your own blessings.  Then don't forget to "link up" with Lisa so she and her readers can also Savor in your blessings and you in theirs.  The link up is at the bottom of her entry.  Simple as that!


"Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm."
Psalm 37:8 NLT   


I am never disappointed by the posts that I read on (in)courage.  God always knows what I need and when I need it.  These ladies, whom I have never met, give me that extra encouragement and make my God just that more present in my life. 

This week Bonnie Gray's, Resting Through the Fog That Won't Go Away, challenged me to see if God wants to me to stay or go on the current path that I am on.  You can read more of Bonnie's posts at her site Faith Barista.


Today is Make A Difference Day across the country. Bean and I got to participate together with the Junior Service League of Wenatchee collecting diapers for 3 of our local shelters.  We were able to spend time with one another and it was a great teaching experience for her.  There was a gentleman that was homeless that showed up to the store to get out of the rain.  Bean had to go to the bathroom and on our way out, I told her we were going to buying the man we passed some soup.  Here is the conversation I had with my 3 year old had:

Me: Bean, we're going to buy the man sitting by the door some soup, okay?
Bean: Why Mama?
Me: Well honey, that man doesn't have money, a warm jacket or a house to live in.  We have so much 
      already and we are called to help others.
Bean:  Mama, WE have money!
Me:  That's right honey.  So let's go get him some soup.

(We go to the self-serve soup.  I decide that chicken noodle soup sounded better than chili or chowder.)

Bean: (Looking at the chicken noodle soup with a look of disgust on her face.)  Mama, I don't think he's going
        to like that. Eww....
Me:  Honey, I'm pretty sure he's going to like the nice, warm soup.
Bean:  I don't know...eww...
Me: (Shaking my head) Bean, please pick out some bread.

(We pay for the soup and bread and Bean marches over to the gentleman, gives him the bread and says....)

Bean: Stay warm!
Gentleman: (Stunned) Thank you.
Me:  I hope you have a good day.
Gentleman: I always do.

Bean went home and told Daddy all about it.  I'm glad today just wasn't a day about us getting out of the house for a little bit, but that the two of us grew together.  I love it!


On our way home from Make a Difference Day, Bean and I sang songs in the car SUPER DUPER LOUD!  We put our own spin on the Color Song (you sing about the colors in Spanish) by yelling "STOP!" after her two favorite colors, blue and purple.  It was a lot of fun. 


Bean was enjoying some cake at a friend's birthday party.  Yum!


Well, I haven't had anything out of the ordinary except my coffee and water.  But I do suppose that drinking my morning cup of coffee before the kids get up has been a blessing because I get to drink it HOT!


Hello?!  It's Halloween time and sweets are EV-ER-Y-WHERE!  EVERYWHERE!  Plus, the other day, I came home and my dear, dear hubby made brownies.  I'm so lucky and so blessed.  I love that man!

Thanks for hanging with me today! 
I have taken some time again from my blog.  I'm sad to say that I did not finish my 31 Days of Healing.  But I'm completely okay with that.  The 31 days was just a little too much for me and my current schedule (i.e. I have been throwing myself into things to avoid the issue).  These past couple of weeks I have kind of shut myself off from dealing with my hurt.  I've tried to make it disappear.  God, however, does not want me to do that. 

Last night M. and I went out for dinner and I started opening up again.  I started pouring my heart out and realized I. CANNOT. HIDE.  God wants to heal me.  He wants me to be free of the hurt, the sin, the ugliness.  He wants it all gone. 

I cannot guarantee that I will write about it all at this time because I am having such difficulty expressing my anger.  I cannot seem to get it out on paper, so for me to put it out here may be a bit more of a challenge.  I do want to thank everyone for their prayers and support.  You sweet emails, texts, and phone calls are a wonderful encouragement to me.  I love you all.

So with all of this said, I will go back to just writing.  :)


So It Goes

There are days that I kind of "forget" that this has happened to my family.  I "forget" because it makes it easier.  I "forget" because I'm used to shoving things down.  I "forget" why I'm here.

This has been one thing that M. has been trying to get me to do.  To remember. 
It's difficult to truly rehash everything.  Everything that I've shoved down, way down deep. It's like a dark place that I don't want to get lost in.  That's why I've been delaying in writing my angry letter.  I don't want to go back to a place that makes me feel like crap.  I don't want to remember the pain that I felt as a teen and young adult.  However, I know that in order for me to heal, I have to let go of the hurt.  That hurt has had a hand in who I have become today and who I want to be for me children.

I hope that by the end of these 31 days I wil have my letter down and forgotten. 

One Day At A Time

I still haven't put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard to write my letter.  I passed my parents again.  Today it wasn't as painful, but it hurt nonetheless.  At this point, I'm just taking everything one day at a time.

Do you ever have yourself?  I do.  A lot!  And with technology the way it is today, I don't look crazy anymore.  Though the times that I'm bawling in my car while driving probably doesn't look good to those driving past me. In my conversations I 1) talk to God and 2) have conversations with myself about something that is bothering.  You can imagine just how many conversations I've had recently.  When I talk with God, I picture Him in my passenger seat.  I turn and look as if a physical body were right there.  The peace that I feel with that picture is so overwhelming.  When I'm done talking, the hardest part for me comes next; listening.

Now it's His turn to talk.  His turn to lay it out there for me to hear.  Sometimes He doesn't say but a word.  Sometimes it's the comfort I feel in my heart.  And sometimes I hear His heart poured out for me.  He's there holding my hand...EVERYDAY!  He knows the outcome and He's walking right beside me.  He'll never leave and that's the most stability I will ever know.  I say that because our friends and families can and will disappoint us, but God never does.  He's only got the best in mind.  Now right now I'm trying to figure out what "the best" is, but it's slowly unraveling.

Savor 7 Blessings About My Husband

*I have a wonderful husband that supports me in my 2nd job as a consultant.  He watched the kids while I attended my parties Friday and Saturday. 

*He built a bunk bed for the kids so that they could be in the same room.  They like to be together.  It's too cute.

*He folded the laundry.  It's the thing I hate doing the most.

*He watched the kids in Sunday school.

*He stepped up when I needed him to be open with me.  I know it can be hard for him when he has to confront me.

*He has been by my side through this ordeal with my parents, praying for everyone involved.

*He protected our family from additional hurt.

I love my husband.  I am so grateful for this man.

Anger - In So Many Words

So I've been told to write out my anger, so that I can let it go.  Let me tell you, I'm having a heck of a time trying to do that.  I'm wondering if I'm confusing anger with hurt and/or sadness.  I can't seem to separate it.

Have any of you written out your anger?  The fist-flailing kind? 

Yesterday we went to the bank to deposit some money.  Our plan was to go buy new sheets afterward at Fred Meyer.  We started driving through the parking lot from the bank to Fred Meyer and were following a car similiar to my parents' car.  Low and behold, it was them.  They were in front of us...the closest we've been to them in 2 weeks.  One car length.  That's all that separated us from them...physically.  They were going to the same store we were.  Mark asked me if we should just go or if we should choose a different store.  I was torn.  I wanted to catch a glimpse of them and maybe hope for some positive reconnections with them, but heart, still hurt, said to go to a different store.  So many things were running through my mind.  One of them being, if the kids see them and attempt to run to them, what would they do?  Would they hurt them by ignoring them or push them away?  I couldn't bear for them to hurt my little hearts.  My little innocent hearts.  I realized how much hurt I have, but I don't know if I have anger.  Maybe my anger is my hurt.  I don't know.  All I could do was cry and let my heart break a little more. 

I wish that this whole thing was just some bad dream.  Speaking of dreams, I had one last night that involved my mom.  We were able to talk.  I don't remember what we talked about, but we talked.  Though our conversations of late were just about the kids, I miss talking with my mom.  I took her off of speed dial for the moment because I didn't want any of those awkward moments.  Again, that makes me sad that I can't talk with her.  It hurts.  This whole thing hurts.  When I think that my tears have run dry, more build up.  <Sigh> I'm breathing and learning to give it all to God because I can't go through this alone.  I wish I didn't have this looming over me.  Ugh.

God has a plan and it's greater than mine.  He's working on refining me and my attitude.  He's showing me what changes I need to make in myself.  I can't change anyone, including myself.  That's God's deal.  He'll work in others, as well as in me.  I'm so glad that I have a Dad who truly watches out for his children.
I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker at Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday.  Every Friday she produces a topic and all you do is write for a solid 5 minutes.  Boom, you're done!

Ready, set, go!
I'm racing the clock.  I'm racing to beat it.  What will it benefit me if I do?  My life seems like an endless blur of movement. 

The kids get rushed out the door.  "Did they eat their breakfast I prepared?  Did they brush their teeth?"  I'm racing them because I didn't plan it right.  When I race them out like that I don't get to spend the time they so desire to be with me. 

God doesn't race me out the door.  He takes his time with me.  He, too, wants me to slow down and to be with him. 

I need to stop racing because I don't know who I'm racing.  Today, slow and steady wins the race for me.  The outcome will be the same, but I think when I do finish, the peace over me will be great!

End (Today's topic was short-lived because Bean kept counting while I was writing.  I love my Bean!)
Yesterday I wrote a little bit about unrighteous anger and what that looks like.  It's not pretty that's for sure! In this process that I'm going through with my own anger, I'm learning more about righteous anger and what that looks like.

Going back to Ephesians 4: 26-27 and 31-32, we see that it's okay to have anger, but it depends on what we do with it.
"And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.'Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil...Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
If we let our anger control ourselves, it's not pleasing to God.  That type of anger is the unrighteous kind.  James puts it this way:
"Human anger' does not produce the righteousness God desires."  James 1:20
But we are instructed to be angry in a righteous way that reflects God.  What does that look like?

God was angry with Moses and his unbelief, which led him to resist going to Pharaoh (Exodus 4).  He is angered by the mistreatment of  the helpless (Exodus 22:21-24).  And there are multiple examples of his anger of those who turned from worshipping him to worshipping idols (Exodus 32:10; Deuteronomy 6:14-15; Judges 2:13-14).

Jesus was also angry.  He was angry at the Pharisees (Mark 3:5) and in the temple (John 2:13-22). 

Moses was angered by the Pharaoh, after he finally decided he was going to obey God (Exodus 11:8) and by the Israelites worship of the golden calf (32:1-20).  Galatians describes Paul's anger about the false teaching that has spread to the believers in Galatia and had accepted it. Men, just like you and me, can have righteous anger.

How do we know our anger is righteous?

1.  Righteous anger is God-like anger.  It is directed to man's actions.  Godly people are angry when God is angry.  It reflects God's character and not our own.

2.  Godly anger is legal anger.  It's anger towards the violation of God's laws and is expressed lawfully.

3.  Godly anger is slowly provoked.  Exodus 34:6 states that God is "slow to anger."  He warned the Isarelites many times before displaying his anger.  God is not like me and my short fuse.

4.  Godly anger is ALWAYS controlled.  Anger does not control the person.

It's kind of funny that all this "anger" talk has released a lot of my own.  I love the freeing feeling.  On Sunday, I'm going to work on how to change our anger to godly behavior.